


Our Life Together

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Drama, M/M, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-11
Updated: 2005-07-05
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: The bashing goes differently and everything changes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Authors Note: Dedicated to my fandom friends – The HORS. This is my first attempt at a fic – so expect it to suck. *grin* This is told completely in Brian’s POV - it is meant to be mostly his stream of conciousness – provided my beta and I can keep that in order. Thanks Wethie for being my Beta on this.

* * *

_He swung the bat and it made a horrific noise as it connected with Justin’s head. Another swing of the bat and a thunderous cry of pain could be heard throughout the parking garage._

I’m kneeling over Justin screaming “No, no, no, god!” At least I think I am. It’s possible that no sound is coming out of my mouth at all. His head is in my lap and there is so much blood coming from the gash near his temple. Part of me knows I shouldn’t have moved his head and neck….but I don’t care. 

“Why? Why couldn’t I have been faster? Just a little faster?” I hear someone’s voice tell me it’s not my fault. Was I talking out loud? Someone is still trying to talk to me – why are they trying to talk to me?

“Brian you need to let go. You need to let the paramedics help him. Brian. Brian!” I turn to see Daphne staring at me expectantly. “What?” I ask her wondering what she could possibly want right now. Doesn’t she know Justin needs me? 

“Brian the paramedics are here now. Let them help.”

Paramedics? Who called the paramedics? Why is my cell phone in my hand? How long have Justin and I been lying on the pavement? I thought it was only seconds. I watch as the paramedics begin to work on Justin. He still hasn’t moved. Oh god he looks paler than normal. Oh god. 

Justin is on a stretcher now and is being put in the ambulance. I move to join him and one of the paramedics stops me. “Who are you to this boy?” he asks. “Who am I? I’m the one with Justin’s blood all over him! That’s who I am! I’m getting in this ambulance with him.” I push the paramedic aside and climb in the ambulance. He is not going to fight me on this.

The ambulance ride seems to be taking forever. First time sped up in the parking garage and now it has slowed down – are the gods fighting me, us? Justin please wake up. Wake up. Please wake up. I need to tell you why I came tonight. I need to tell you what “later” would have meant. I know you thought it meant we would fuck. And we would have – but there is so much more I want now. I want you. I want it all with you. Please wake up.

“mmmmm….Brian?” Oh my god! “Justin! Justin can you hear me? Justin?!?” Shit! He was awake. For a second he was awake. He said my name, oh my god he was awake and asking for me. Suddenly I find myself on my knees in the back of the ambulance so I can kiss his forehead and smooth the blood encrusted hair off his forehead. My beautiful blond has turned into a redhead. Jesus Kinney that isn’t funny, don’t think like that! Justin please come back to me. Who else could put up with a mind like mine? Was that his hand? Did his hand just move? I’m squeezing his hand so tight it could have just been a reflex, but no I think he squeezed back. That’s it Justin just keep squeezing back. Keep squeezing.

After we arrived at the hospital those damn nurses wouldn’t let me back with Justin. So now I find myself sitting on the most uncomfortable plastic chairs on the face of the planet. Seriously, this is a hospital – shouldn’t they provide seating that doesn’t cause bodily injury? Daphne is sitting next to me shaking; she stopped actively crying a few minutes ago, I think her tear ducts were empty. She apparently coerced one of the limo drivers waiting for the prom to end to drive her to the hospital, she arrived just minutes after Justin and I did.

I feel moisture on my face and hands, but I am not sure if its blood or tears. I don’t really care.

More people are trying to talk to me. Why are they doing that? Plus this asshole is standing in my line of sight to the doors they took Justin through. Doesn’t he know that is the most dangerous place on earth to stand? Why is Daphne’s hand on my thigh? She knows I am gay. Okay she is trying to get my attention. Don’t these idiot cops realize the man I love could be dying right now and I am not with him. I can’t talk to them right now. Oh god they are going to insist. 

“Mr. Kinney. Can you tell us what happened in your own words please?” In my own words? Who talks like that? 

“Chris Hobbs fucking hit Justin in the head with a fucking baseball bat!”

“How do you know Mr. Hobbs?” Jackass. 

“He came down to Liberty Avenue once. He almost hit Justin but I got in the way.”

“Was Mr. Hobbs gay?” Yeah right, Jackass. 

“How should I know? I never fucked him.”

“Did you or Mr. Taylor provoke Mr. Hobbs in any way tonight?” Yeah we were breathing. Big Jackass. 

“No.”

“Do you know why Mr. Hobbs would have done this?” Because he, like you, is a big jackass! 

“No

“Do you have a number where we can reach you if we should have any further questions?” Yeah 1-800-Fuck-You. I give him my business card, writing my home number on the back first. The jackass then starts to question Daphne. That’s when I first start to take in my surroundings. Daphne looks horrible so I take her hand and hold on to it. She smiles a little at me then turns back to talk to Mr. Jackass-with-a-badge.

I’m once again staring at those doors. They seem impenetrable…but I think if I get a running start and hit them with enough force….. Oh no. I see a blond head that hadn’t even entered my mind until this moment. Jennifer. I haven’t seen her since that day Justin and I walked out of his childhood home for the last time. I hear her asking for information on Justin. She hasn’t seen me yet. I wonder if I can avoid this for just a few more minutes. Suddenly I hear a voice in my head. “She needs you.” Justin? Damn you Justin. I might be willing to fall in love with you, but I am not willing to let you become the voice in my head! Get back in your own head!

I feel myself moving towards her. It’s against my will. Stop moving feet. Damn you Justin. “Jennifer.” Did I say that? Shit.

“Brian. Oh god Brian what happened?” Suddenly my arms are full of middle-aged blonde woman. This is new. How can I tell her? I can’t say it out loud, not to her. I will let the doctors take care of that. “Chicken!” Damn it Justin! I swear if you don’t get out of my head…..

“Jennifer, lets sit down. The chairs are uncomfortable, but they are still chairs. Daphne is here too.” I lead her over to where I was sitting before and help her into my chair. She grabs my hand and hangs on tight. So that’s where he got it from. I find myself kneeling in front of her, in between her legs, this is really new! We are holding onto each other. I give in once again to my urge to cry. Fuck it, the guys aren’t around.

I wonder how long we have been like this when I hear someone clear their throat behind me. Jennifer looks behind me as I turn my head to look in the same direction. The doctor asks Jennifer to follow him to a private room. I whip my head around and look at her stricken. She looks at me and senses my fear. I don’t want to be left out. I need to know. I need to know if he is going to die. If he is already dead. I need to know. Jennifer tells the doctor that she wants me there too, and we follow him to a private room. A private room? Isn’t that what they do when they have bad news? Oh shit I can’t handle this. I want to turn and run but Jennifer is holding onto me too tightly. Damn these Taylor’s have strong grips.

“Mrs. Taylor. Justin as I’m sure you know was attacked at this prom. The head wound was quite serious when he was brought in.” 

“Attacked! I was told he was injured I assumed it was an accident. What do you mean attacked?” She is screaming in this feral growl that must be something only mothers can do.

Suddenly I realize they are both looking at me. Shit! He is going to make me tell it. Is this like a Band-Aid? Quick is better? Justin I need your strength. Oh god. I take her hand in mind. “Jennifer. Chris Hobbs came up to Justin and me after he walked me to my jeep and hit him in the head with a baseball bat.” Oh shit her hand went limp – until now it has been practically cutting off my circulation. She is staring into my eyes, searching, for what I don’t know. If she is looking for answers. I don’t have them. If she is looking for reassurance. I don’t have it. Once again I can not give someone what they need. Suddenly she gives me a knowing half smile and squeezes my hand. I wonder what that is all about. I will have to ask Justin what he thinks. I suddenly realize the doctor hasn’t told us how Justin is.

“How is Justin? Is he….is he…” I can’t finish the sentence either way. 

“Justin is going to be okay. We released the pressure on his brain and stopped the bleeding. The next 24 hours are critical. If he wakes up, then he has a good chance at a full recovery. If he doesn’t wake up in the next 24 hours we will need to talk again. In the meantime I suggest you both go home and get some rest.”

“No.”

“Mr. Kinney…” “No!” I interrupt him, he is nuts if he thinks I am leaving Justin. Jennifer looks at me then at the doctor. I almost fall out of my chair at what she says. 

“I will be staying here in the family room and Brian will be spending the night with Justin in his recovery room. It will help them both.” 

“Mrs. Taylor I don’t think that is a good idea”

“You may not think it, but he is my son and I know it. He needs Brian with him. And I can see Brian needs him as well.” Shit! She can see that. Why can’t I hide from anyone anymore? What happened under that fucking streetlight?

“Mrs. Taylor. It is against hospital policy to” He will never get to finish that sentence. I interrupt “Doc, point me in the direction of Justin’s room now and save us all the minutes spent arguing over it. And have someone bring Jennifer some pillows and blankets.”

Jennifer and I both stand, dismissing the doctor completely. “Come with me. Say goodnight to him. He will need his mother too.” She smiles at me and we walk towards the door together.

Thankfully Jennifer didn’t stay long. I didn’t want to get into bed with Justin while she was here, but I was finding it very hard to resist. Now I have settled down onto the hospital bed beside him. I wrap my arms around him as best I can with out disturbing all the wires and IV’s. He looks so peaceful. Except for the bandage. Now if only he would wake up. Wake up Justin. Please come back to me. Your mother is right. I do need you, you little shit. Now wake up and open those beautiful blue eyes.

Sleep does not come easily. But once it does I dream about a slow dance under a bluish spotlight, it matches his eyes. There is light, laughter, and love. Yes there is love.


	2. Our Life Together

Authors Note: Dedicated to my fandom friends – The HORS. This is my first attempt at a fic – so expect it to suck. *grin* This is told completely in Brian’s POV – it is supposed to be primarily Brian’s stream of conciousness - provided my beta and I can keep that in order. Thanks Wethie for being my Beta on this.

* * *

_I pick up my beautiful blonde and spin us around, we end the dance with the most sensual kiss of my life._

Hmmmm…..that was a nice dream. Why are my sheets suddenly so scratchy? I open my eyes and squint at the light pouring into the room. Fuck! I wish someone would close the damn blinds. I look around me, drinking in my surroundings and the previous night comes back in such a rush it makes me dizzy. Fuck! I’m in the hospital. What is that smell? Oh god it’s me. I realize I am still soaked in Justin’s blood, only now it has dried and makes my clothing stiff. I dare to look over at Justin. He still looks peaceful, but he has a little bit more color today. That is good – right?

I can’t kiss his forehead; it is covered with gauze now, so I kiss his cheek. I move slowly across his cheek to his lips, oh these lips. The sweetest things I have ever tasted are Justin’s lips. Oh and his ice cream covered cock.

“Ahem”, I look up to see Jennifer standing in the doorway. I wonder how long she has been there. And does the hospital sheet conceal the raging boner I have from kissing her son. I look at her and realize she must have gone home. She is in different clothing. 

“I brought you some clothing Brian”, I finally realize that she is carrying an over-night bag. It looks a little familiar. “Sorry Jen,” I reply “I don’t think I will fit into Justin’s hand me downs, and I am not wearing something of Craig’s.”

“They are yours Brian. I came in a few hours ago and took your keys. Luckily Justin had given me the security code when he lived with you.” That little shit. “You have a nice place. I like the painting.” Did I just feel myself blush? No. Okay good. “Any change?” She looks so hopeful I hate to disappoint her. 

“No. He didn’t stir all night. He’ll be fine Jen. He has to be. He woke up briefly in the ambulance last night. He’ll come back to us.”

“Do you love him Brian?” Damn she’s forward.

“Sorry Jen. If I have something to tell Justin, I tell him first.”

“Tell me what?”

My head whips around so fast it hurts “Ow! Fuck!” 

“You want to fuck? That’s not new.”

“Justin? Oh my god Justin honey, you’re awake!”

“Mom?!? Brian why is my mother in your bedroom? And why do the sheets feel so scratchy?”

Little shit. He scares the shit out of his mother and I, then wakes up and starts complaining about the sheets? Well they are uncomfortable. Still he’s a little shit.

“Ahem!”  
Whoops I hadn’t realized that I had swooped down to capture his lips with my own until his mother made that noise. I’ve heard that throat clearing noise too much in the last 24 hours. 24 hours….oh thank god he didn’t make us wait 24 hours to see if he was going to be okay. Okay Kinney stop kissing him now – his mother is watching. As I break away from the kiss I gaze at the most beautiful person I have ever known, and he smiles. The wattage from that thing could light the hospital! The hospital. He doesn’t know where he is. Fuck.

“Justin. Look around you, this is not our bedroom.” Shit did I just say OUR? Maybe he didn’t notice. Nope that increase in wattage proves he heard me. Fuck!

He slowly looks around the room taking everything in. He looks at his mother. He looks at me. Then down at my clothing. Oh fuck – why couldn’t I have changed before he woke up?

“Mom, can I talk to Brian please?”

“Sure honey. I’ll be in the family waiting room. Brian I’ll put your bag in the chair.” She walks over and kisses his cheek, then looks at me. I think that look meant I shouldn’t tell him what happened. But how can I not? If he asks I will tell him.

I look back down at him and he is staring at me. “Brian, don’t worry. I remember everything.” He lays his hand against my heart. Oh god. Do it now. Say it now.

“Justin I may never be able to say it again, but if I don’t say it now, I will never forgive myself. I love you. I’m not sure how or when it happened but I knew it to be true last night. That dance was the best moment of my life. It felt like a birth; the beginning of something for us. Later – was going to mean so much more than it sounded like I promise. You said it was the best night of your life. Well it was the best night of mine too. Like I said I might not ever be able to say it again, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. I just, It’s just, I … uh”

“Brian, breathe. I love you too. Thank you for saying it today. I believe you will say it again. I think once you start saying it you won’t be able to stop. You love me. I love you. We can deal with the rest later. We can think about the rest later. For now, just kiss me. We will deal with ‘later’ – later.”


	3. Our Life Together

Authors Note: I am posting this chapter un-beta’d. So please blame me for all mistakes. Thanks all for reading along. This is still told completely in Brian’s POV.

* * *

It’s been one week since the prom. Six days since Justin woke up and I told him how I felt. We have not talked about what ‘later’ will bring. I know partly what I want later to bring. But can I do it? So far I have mostly lived my life in fear – and now I am more afraid than I have ever been. I’ve been at the hospital every night since he woke up. Every night I climb into bed with him and he never brings up what we talked about. Is it possible that he is just as afraid of the future as I am?

I’m heading towards the hospital. I stayed at work later than I have been this week. I drove Cynthia nuts by finding the smallest tasks for her to do. Anything to put off for a little while longer what I know I have to do. I’m even glad every time I have to stop at a light. I need to ask Justin what I never thought I would ask anyone. But what will he say? Fuck! I hate this doubt shit. Fuck it. I’m Brian Kinney – if he turns me down it’s his loss. Yeah right, if only I really believed that shit.

Maybe I should stop by the liquor store that is conveniently across the street from the hospital; buy some liquid courage. No! You need to do this sober. Damn it Justin I thought I told you to get out of my fucking head!

Somehow I managed to get out of the car and walk into the hospital. Everyone is so used to seeing me here now they don’t even question me as I walk towards Justin’s room. I hear Jennifer’s voice coming from the room. Every other night I’ve beaten her here and she has been forced to talk to Justin while I lay next to him holding him. I myself find it strange how clingy I’ve become. You almost lost him – is the thought that keeps going through my head. Don’t waste another second is the other thought that is driving me crazy. I suppose I will never be ‘me’ again. I suppose I will just have to learn to live with these thoughts and his damn voice in my head. Well at least I can still pretend to be an ass in front of most people, including the ‘mother-in-law’. Mask in place – here I go.

“Hi Jennifer. So Justin what should we do on your last night in the hospital?” Yes that smirk I’m giving you means I expect to get some tonight. Oh shit – did Jennifer just recognize that look?

“Hello Brian.”

“Hey. I’m sure between the two of us something will come up.” Holy fuck did he just say that in front of his mother. Is she laughing about it? Did I just fucking step into the twilight zone? So far this night is not turning out the way I had planned. That seems to be happening a lot lately. And we all know whom we can blame for that – Justin. Little shit. But god is he a hot little shit. 

“I’m sure it will. Are they still releasing you tomorrow?” Safe territory.

He laughs. He fucking laughs. He knows why I changed the subject. How did he get the upper hand so easily?

“Yeah I bust out tomorrow, but I still have to come back once a week for therapy.”

“I always thought a little therapy would do you some good.” Ha! Two can play his little game.

Two hours and 14 minutes. I counted. Jennifer stayed, I tried to pay attention to conversation and be pleasant. I actually watched the clock. Two hours and 14 minutes. Two hours and 14 minutes to think about what to say and how to say it. Two fucking hours and it still didn’t help. Now Jennifer is gone and I realize that if I had engaged her in conversation I could have put this off longer. God I’m an idiot.

“Brian? What’s wrong” I look over at him, having climbed into bed with him while Jennifer was still here. Screw her if she doesn’t want the visual I needed to be close to him. There I go again with those sick lesbian-like thoughts. Ick. 

“I want you to move in.” Oh smooth Kinney real smooth. Just blurt it out. Where did your presentation skills go exactly? Shit. He didn’t say yes right way. Fuck! Okay look at him, no not his shoulder idiot his face, look at his face. Well he’s smiling that has to be good right? Right?

“I would love to move in Brian.” Yippee! Did I just think Yippee? Thank god I didn’t say it. I need to get a tighter grip on my horses here. “I just have one condition.” Condition? He has a condition? What happened to the boy that would have settled for whatever scraps of affection I gave him? Damn it. I wanted him to grow up and be the best homosexual he could be and what happened? I created a monster that has _conditions_.

“You need to stop tricking.” Okay even I heard my jaw just hit the floor. He wants me to do what? Is he fucking nuts? It never even occurred to me that I’d have to give up tricking. Shit. I don’t know if I can do this.

“Brian. Brian!” 

“Fuck Justin don’t scream. I’m listening.”

“Brian, I can be with you as we have been. But if you want more – you need to give more.”

So get what I want but give up something else I have always needed – or keep that which I’ve always needed but lose what I want. Fuck! Why didn’t I stop at the liquor store? I wonder if Justin would notice if I snuck out of bed to get some Jim Beam.

“Brian go to sleep. Go to sleep. You can think about it tomorrow. Tonight just sleep.”

Well for the moment I will do what he is telling me to do, but he better realize that won’t be becoming a habit.

No tricking. No tricking? No tricking?!? I think that bat did some serious damage to the poor kids head if he thinks I am giving that up for him. But I want him to move in. Hell I might need him to move in. But can I give up other men? 

Sleep. He told me to sleep. I think I was but then the little shit was snoring. Well it is kind of cute. So now I am lying here thinking about sex. Well that’s not new. But thinking about less sex, or at least less anonymous sex. That is new.

Oh my fucking god. I haven’t had sex in a week. What the fuck? How did I go a whole week without sex? I mean Justin wasn’t really up to it. But that shouldn’t have meant less sex for me. Should it? I was here with him every night. Is this what it would be like if he moved in? Sex would depend on his availability and desire. What would that be like?

“Brian go back to sleep.” Little shit.

He’s been awake for 5 minutes now. I’ve been awake for 45 minutes now. Yes here we lie pretending not to know the other is awake. I wonder if we will still be pretending when Jennifer shows up to take him home. But maybe I will be taking him home - our home.

“Brian tell me. I can handle it either way; let’s just get the conversation over with before my mother gets here.”

“I don’t know what to say Justin. I never expected your condition. Or for you to even have a condition.”

“You just expected me to go along with whatever you wanted. I’m no longer a child Brian you can’t expect me to just do whatever you want on your timeline. If we live together you have to start treating me like an equal.”

“You are expecting a lot.” Whoops guess he didn’t think that was funny. Fuck truth time.

“Justin” Come on you can do it – just say it!

“Justin, I haven’t had sex since my birthday. I haven’t had sex since you got hurt. I was too concerned about you to even think about it. I guess I care more about you than I do sex. Odd. I never thought that would happen. But I still can’t promise what you want. I can only promise to try. But I hope you can remember that I am who I am. I might screw up. Can you live with that? Can you live with me?”


	4. Our Life Together

AN: Thanks to Wethie for being my beta on this, especially for your help with the sex scene. But really – why can’t Brian have 3 arms? *wink* Thanks to Marsha for setting the stage for the sex scene. Again – this is all in Brian’s POV.

* * *

Last night at the hospital was incredible. It’s amazing how easily the truth came out once I started talking. Another fucking miracle is that Justin accepted the truth. Maybe trying to hide my feelings all this time has been a mistake. Nah fuck that. I don’t make mistakes. He probably couldn’t have handled the truth earlier. Okay, so he probably could have. I guess I couldn’t.

I left the hospital an hour ago. I needed to come home and change my clothes. Why I just didn’t take a change of clothes with me to the hospital I don’t know. Justin laughed at me when I told him why I had to leave. Fucker. He said it was probably for the best though. He wanted to talk to Jennifer about his new living arrangements while I was gone. I wonder what that’s about. Why should she have a problem with it? He’s 18. And he lived with me once before.

Pulling into the hospital parking lot I begin to feel a sense of dread for some reason. I get the feeling Justin needs support. And that realization has me wanting to run to the nearest cliff and jump off. But I don’t. Apparently of their own free will my feet walk me towards the front door and closer to Justin’s room.

As I near Justin’s room I understand the feeling I had in the parking lot. You can hear Jennifer and Justin hollering down the hall. Why are my feet still moving forward? Damn it feet run! Run away!

I pause at the doorway. Neither mother nor son notices me. I’ll just bide my time until they do.

“Justin! You are getting out of the hospital. You could have died. You need to be at home.”

“I will be at home. At home with Brian.”

“Justin do you think he is going to take care of you?” How dare she question whether or not I am going to take care of him. I almost barge into the room when I hear Justin speak. What he says blows me away. He speaks so quietly that I can just make out what he is saying.

“It’s not about taking care of me mother. It’s about taking care of each other. Brian has been here at night when I wake up from nightmares. He has held me and calmed me. He was there holding me while I bleed on the pavement that night. But before last week, I was there for him. I took care of him whether he knew it or not. I helped him when he had problems with Michael, when he almost lost his job, hell I helped him name his son the night we met. It’s never been about him taking care of me. I can take care of myself. It’s about us taking care of each other. Supporting each other. Loving each….” He stopped talking. Why did he stop talking?

I look up and realize that Justin finally saw me standing there listening. He walks over to me, and kisses away a tear on my cheek I hadn’t realized was there. Fuck now I cry because of sappy sentiments. Lesbian life here I come.

With his arm around me he says “Mom. I’m going to live with Brian whether you accept it or not.” I smile probably bigger than I ever have. I am so proud of him right now.

“What happens if you forget to set the alarm again? Will he just kick you out onto the street again?” What like Craig did? Bitch.

“Trust me Mom. I won’t make that mistake again. I’m sure we’ll both make mistakes, but this is something we have to try.”

“But honey….” Oh lord here it comes.

“No buts mom. This is what we both want. Besides its either move in with Brian or move out on my own. I can’t live with you or Deb anymore. I know you think I need a mother right now, and I do. But I don’t need mothering.” Wow, how did I fail to notice the balls of steel this kid has?

Jennifer looks at us and smiles. She’s smiling? What the fuck I thought she was pissed.

“Honey, I just want you to be happy. And it’s obvious you are. So just let me know what you need, if anything and I will help.” Damn I will never understand women and their mood swings. 

We spent the past two days getting Justin moved into the loft. Who knew the kid would have so much crap! 

Jennifer left around lunch time. All that‘s left is to finish unpacking, and wait for the delivery guy with our dinner. That’s when awkwardness hits me. Why in the fuck are things awkward? We’ve lived together before. We’ve fucked before. Yet somehow tonight seems different. I can see it in his eyes, and I can feel it in my gut. Tonight is different.

“Justin…” I sigh….what do I say to make this easier? Ding dong – saved by the bell! After I pay the delivery man I watch him walk away. I keep thinking no stay! We need another person here as a buffer!

We eat in virtual silence and I am beginning to wonder if this was a good idea. Can we handle this? He keeps looking at me and looking away quickly when I look up. Does he think I don’t notice every thing he does?

He clears away the food and goes to sit on the couch. I hate to resort to old vices – but I will anyway. I think what we need is a little liquid courage.

I get up to get us both a beer. Why is the fucking beer on the bottom shelf and all the way in the back? Damn Jennifer. I have to bend over to get them. I look under my arm that is holding open the refrigerator door, yep Justin is watching and licking his lips, almost unconsciously, he doesn’t even realizing he’s doing it. Maybe things aren’t as bad as I thought. 

I walk with the beer over to the couch and sit down. Opening up one I hand it to Justin and look at him. No words. Just a look that asks – are you good with this, with being here?

He looks at me. Takes a gulp swallows and stands up. My heart is pounding I am so afraid he is going to bolt. But he turns and walks towards the bedroom.

Putting down my beer, still unopened, I follow behind him. Knowing that tonight is different from all the times that came before and it will forever change things. I also know that I am finally ready for this. To truly make love to him. Openly and freely. No hiding, no pretending.

He is standing with his back to me, staring at the bed. I walk up next to him, standing only slightly behind him. Slowly I run my hand from his lower back up his body until I entangle it in his soft hair, palming the back of his head. We stand there for a few moments, me massaging his head and him slowly relaxing. 

He turns around and wraps his arms around my waist. He starts to kiss my neck paying close attention to my adams apple, knowing somehow like he has always known, that doing that drives me insane with lust and something new. Love.

He slowly backs me up until I am forced to sit on the bed. I hadn’t expected him to take control tonight. He seemed so fragile only moments ago. He backs away and again I feel the fear course through my body. I smile slowly when he begins to remove his clothing. He is taking his time and being seductive about it. I grin at him like a fool in love.

Before long he is standing in front of me completely naked. He looks at me with all the trust in the world and silently asks – are you okay with me being here? 

I reach out and pull him towards me.

My kisses start at his hipbone and I slowly work my way up, standing up as I go, and around to the front of his torso and farther up to his nipples. I bathe the right one with my tongue, briefly thinking about the nipple ring the hospital had to remove. Gentle tugging on the nipple with my teeth until he moans, I then move onto the left and repeat the process. 

I turn us around and lay him down on the bed. Straddling him, I use just the tip of my tongue to make a trail from his chest up to his lips. Slowly sucking the lower lip into my mouth I nibble on it until he is writhing beneath me and whimpering. 

“Brian” He moans my name and I almost cum from hearing it.

I kiss him for what seems like an eternity until we are both hungry for more.

I lean back and he shivers a little from the coolness he feels at the loss of my body on top of his. 

I wish I had the patience to go slowly and tease him a little the way he did me – but I don’t. I need to be in him, to feel him beneath me again so I strip quickly. I grab a condom and the lube before stretching out above him again. 

I put the lube on two of the fingers of my right hand, and take a second to warm it up. I don’t want anything to shock him or to take that euphoric look off his face. Slowly I push one of the lubed fingers into his ass. He moans slightly but doesn’t make another sound. I push in the other finger and his body lifts off the mattress ever so slightly. I wonder briefly if he even realizes how his body begs for more. 

I take a few moments to open him up, preparing him for what’s next. It’s been a little over a week now and his body has been through a lot. I need to make this perfect for him. I need to show him I can put his needs above my own tonight. Because my cock is screaming for me to hurry. But I can’t allow it to take control. Tonight is more about the heart than it is the dick. Tomorrow we can fuck our brains out.

“Are you ready?” I don’t really need to ask, at this point I might know his body better than he does, but I ask anyway. What I really need to know is if he is ready emotionally. Because after tonight – turning back would kill me.

“Brian. Yes. Make love to me.” That’s all I needed to hear.

I quickly roll the condom down my straining cock and apply some more lube. Whoever said a little dab will do ya’ – wasn’t talking about lube or anal sex. 

I pull his legs up and drape them over my shoulders. Slowly I enter him and I am not sure which of us moaned louder. I push gently until I am buried in him completely and my balls hit his ass. He groans and it is like magic to my ears. 

I start a leisurely rhythm. Rocking back and forth. Pulling out so that only the head of my cock is still inside him, and then slowly sliding back inside burying myself in heaven.

Leaning forward I fold him in half, continuing to pull out and slowly sink back in, we kiss softly, lovingly.

The tension is slowly building and I reach down to play with his balls. I massage each one rolling them around until he gasps into my mouth. Loving that sound I move my hand up and begin to stroke his cock. Massaging it and pulling on it gently to match the rhythm our hips are moving in. 

I feel the muscles deep inside him begin to constrict and quiver and soon his orgasm is plunging me head first into my own. The last thing I hear before my ears start ringing is him calling my name, and me calling out his.

His legs slip down my body slowly and rest around my waist holding me tight to him. I collapse on top of him, somehow more exhausted than after one of our all night fuck fests. As our bodies relax I slide off him and lay next to him on the bed. He turns to face me and I kiss him gently. 

“I love you.” And the sun shines.


	5. Our Life Together

AN: Thanks so much to everyone for reading along and for all the reviews and encouragements on this. From now on we will be moving through time faster. I will try and make sure you know how far in time we’ve moved forward. Once again – Brian’s POV. Thanks Wethie for being a great beta for this tyrant of a fic writer!

* * *

Persistent. Annoying. Smaller than me – so I should be able to control him. 

“Gus stop jumping on the bed, I’m awake!” Fuck. I shouldn’t have yelled. He looks like he is going to burst into tears.

“I’m sorry Gus I didn’t mean to shout. Come here.” As he snuggles down next to me I glance over to the other side of the bed. Justin is smiling but it isn’t the full sunshine smile. It’s more like a cloudy day. 

Justin was doing so well for so long, but as tomorrow began to approach, he began having nightmares. Why now? I wish I knew. And I wish I knew how to help. I whisper in Gus’ ear. As Gus does what I tell him to I take a moment to watch Justin. We’ll see if this will help. At least help him get through today. 

Laughing loudly I watch Gus pounce on Justin and begin tickling him. Justin was unprepared for the attack and didn’t have a moment to defend himself. 

A year ago my birthday was much different. A year ago I no longer wanted to go on. Today I can’t think of any more perfect way to start a new year than with Justin and Gus. I’m glad Justin convinced me to have Gus sleep over last night so we didn’t have to worry about seeing the munchers twice today.

Forcing myself out of bed, I amble into the kitchen and make breakfast. Okay make is a strong term – pour cereal, add milk. Done!

“Justin, Gus, get your as…ahem….hineys down here. Breakfast is ready.”

“Gee that was fast.” Smartass. Oh well at least Gus’ imitation of “Godzilla trounces Justin” helped cheer him up. 

My boys eat their breakfast, while I drink coffee. I’m sure somehow that Justin will force me to eat cake today. So no carbs for breakfast.

I get a secret thrill out of quiet mornings like this. Watching Justin and Gus interact with each other is something I will never tire of. It’s amazing how many of Justin’s mannerisms that Gus had adopted. He looks so much like me, and acts so much like Justin. Sometimes I just like to pretend he is ours. And now I am wondering when I turned into Lindsay? 

“So boys, what are we doing today?”

“You’re the birthday boy, you decide.”

“Chuck E. Cheese!” Oh hell no! It’s bad enough on regular days but on my birthday?!? Fuck that.

“Gus. It’s your daddy’s birthday and he is a little too old to celebrate at Chuck E. Cheese.” Oh watch it young man or I will take you over my knee and spank your bubble butt blue!

“I don’t suppose you would let me get away with going back to bed?” He shakes his head no. Damn. It was worth a shot.

“How about we take Gus to the park. He can run his damn fool head off, you can draw, and I can ignore you both.” Oops did I say that out loud? Oh thank god, he thought it was funny.

I slowly sip my coffee while Justin clears his and Gus’ bowls away and get Gus dressed for the day out. Damn it’s nice being the birthday boy. I wonder how long I can milk this for all its worth?

Justin’s sketchbook, my pants, and Gus. What do these three things have in common? At the moment they are caked in mud. And so is the fucking Jeep! Justin is stripping Gus down in the elevator after our disastrous outing at the park.

“When you’re done with him I need stripping down too” Okay so maybe the day wasn’t a total blowout.

He grabs the waistband of my jeans and yanks me to him roughly. Fuck. Someone is feeling the need to be in charge. After he rids me of my jeans in a far less affectionate manner than I had hoped for he steps back and smirks. Fucker. He knows there isn’t a damn thing I can do with Gus watching. Suddenly I realize we reached my floor ages ago. It is only a 3 story building after all. I yank the gate up, open the door to the loft, and leave Justin to deal with Gus. It was his damn idea to go to the park. Okay I suggested it – but I’m pretty sure the idea must have been his somehow – why would I ever want to go to the park?

After the necessary Gus scrub down we decide to order dinner in and relax. The munchers are picking Gus up at 8 so that Justin and I can do some celebrating alone.

It’s almost midnight. Gus has been gone for hours. Justin and I have made love in the bed, fucked on the floor, and sprayed lots of cum in the shower. My birthday and the unspoken agreement we had to not talk about tomorrow until tomorrow is almost up.

I was hoping that with all the fucking he would have passed out as soon as he hit the bed. Sadly I can see that’s not going to be the case. Rolling over onto my side I pull him towards me, wrap my arm around him creating a supportive comforting cocoon, and whisper in his ear. “Go to sleep. We’ll deal tomorrow. Tonight remember he can’t hurt you anymore.”

When I wake up around 5 am Justin isn’t spooned in front of me anymore. Sighing I get out of bed in search of my wayward youth. 

He’s sitting on the couch staring off into space, tears silently running down his face. Everything in me is screaming to run. Run away you can’t handle this. Everything except my heart.

Not only is he crying but he’s shivering as well. I walk over to him and he doesn’t even see me. I’m afraid of what he does see.

Leaning over I pick him up. Damn he’s heavier than he looks. I carry him back into the bedroom and lay him down on the bed. Climbing in, I pull the duvet up around us and lay there kissing away each tear as it falls. I don’t know what else I can do.

I wake up again around 9 and realize that we must have drifted off to sleep. At least I hope we both did.

Today it’s been a year since the prom. A year since the bashing. A year since his life, my life, and our life together changed forever.

I hear the shower running and panic courses through me like ice through my veins. I’m not sure what I am afraid of – I just know stone cold fear when I feel it. I rush into the bathroom and stop short at the sight in front of me. 

He’s smiling and humming as he showers. What the fuck is going on?

Deciding to go with the flow and hope that his early morning tears were the worst and the last of it, I strip and step into the shower.

Showering, kissing, and loving. The day is starting much better than I thought it would. And since we told everyone we were not to be disturbed under penalty of death, okay I threatened death, Justin just said please, this day might not be so bad after all.

We spend the day lounging, eating junk food, and circling around each other until I think I am about to lose it. But that could be the grease from dinner talking. Everything seemed okay this morning in the shower but shortly thereafter I could tell Justin had something on his mind. But I could also tell it wasn’t what I expected it to be. 

I expected a day of drama, tears, and possibly walking nightmares. But instead he’s been eerily quiet and glancing at me surreptitiously whenever he had the chance.

When we’ve made love these last few days I’ve felt that something was wrong. I think I know what he wants, that he needs to be in control of something. I just don’t know if I can give him what he wants, what he needs.

As much as I want to do whatever he wants, and can usually predict his wants and needs before he asks – a fact which still annoys me, he is going to have to ask for this one. 

“Brian, I…” Come on Justin ask. If you ask it, I’ll cum. Okay that its. Tomorrow we buy the Prada straight jacket. I am now thinking in Kevin Costner movie clichés.

I guess I can help him out a little. “Justin. Whatever you need tonight, it’s yours. Just ask what you want to ask.”

“Brian, I….” He sighs. Maybe he can’t do it. Hell maybe I can’t do it. “Brian I’ve felt so out of control lately. I need to feel truly alive again. I need to reinforce to myself that I am still here. I don’t want Chris Hobbs to win. Can I make love to you tonight? Will you let me be in control tonight?”

“Yes.”

I strip slowly; grab a condom and the lube. I walk over to him, kiss him softly and then turn around and lay face down on the bed.

“Roll over. I need to see your face.”

Rolling over I look at this boy, this man that somehow managed to worm his way beneath my defense and into my heart. I look at him with what I hope is trust on my face, even if it’s not what I feel. What I feel is fear. This is my last defense. My last barrier. Once he breaches this one he will have been inside every piece of me. My thoughts, my feelings, my spirit, and now my body. 

My biggest comfort is that I know he will take care of me. Physically of course because I have taught him well, but emotionally because he just always seemed to know how.

I decide to just lose myself in the sensations and give myself up to him completely. To trust him completely.

He covers nearly every inch of my body with warm, wet kisses. Making his way to my dick, he takes the head into his moist mouth and laves it with his tongue. He runs the tip of his tongue down the shaft to my balls and bathes them in the moist cavern as well. Moving back up my cock, he circles the edge of the head with his tongue. Then suddenly he has my entire dick in his mouth, the head bumping the back of his throat.

After a few minutes of one incredible blowjob, I feel him move away slightly and I’m surprised at the moan I hear escape from my lips. Some part of me must really enjoy the feel of him between my legs instead of the other way around. 

I move my head slightly to look into his eyes as he puts on the condom and lubes both his dick and his fingers. 

One finger presses gently into my hole and I gasp at the intrusion. “Brian?”

“It’s okay Justin. Keep going.” He simply nods his head and pushes the finger deeper into me.

Justin is taking time to slowly add fingers and open me up. I know I will appreciate that later, but at the moment I just want him to hurry up. My body is screaming for release and so is another part of me that I won’t worry about now.

He removes his fingers and repositions himself in between my legs. I wrap my legs around his waist, because god knows I’m not flexible enough to get them on his shoulders. I feel the head of his cock press against me requesting entrance. Let him in. Just let him in. 

He pushes forward and the pain shoots through my like I’ve been stabbed – in the ass! Ow fuck! He goes through this every time? 

He stares down at me, and I hear him repeat the words I once said to him. “Now relax. I want you to always remember this.” 

It isn’t long before he his thrusting steadily and I am panting just as hard. I feel a familiar tingling in my balls and reach for my own cock but he pushes my hand away. He wraps his hand around it and jerks on it until I am cumming, my internal muscles constricting him and sending him screaming, plunging head-first into his own orgasm.

Afterwards we lie side by side. He is grinning and I am thinking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh god what have I done? What have I done? I ruined it! I just ruined everything I know it! 


	6. Our Life Together

If you’ve been wondering what’s been going on with Mikey. Well here you go. This chapter is Mikey’s story. It takes place at the same time as the last chapter – a year after the bashing. This chapter is independent of the B/J storyline. So don’t expect it to mesh. This is the only chapter not in Brian’s POV. It’s Mikey’s POV. This chapter is dedicated to my beautiful buttrfli.

* * *

I met this guy named Ben recently. He not enough. I think he’s great, everyone else thinks he’s great, but he is still not enough. He isn’t Brian.

Without Brian I can’t go on. Now that I can no longer have him, now that I have no more hope for the day when we will be together, I just don’t see any reason to go on.

Lying back on the bed I pray the bottle of Xanax works quickly. I also hope Ben finds me and not Emmett or Ma. I’m sure Ben cares about me, maybe he even loves me, but he won’t get hysterical. He’ll find a way to tell them. 

I didn’t bother writing a note. I’m sure everyone will figure it out.

This past year has been too hard. After the night of Justin’s prom, nothing was the same. I don’t know how to adjust. I don’t know how to continue on. So I’m just giving up. I never really was the strong one.

Things are getting hazy in my vision and in my head. This is good. It will all be over soon.

I hope they can forgive me, and I hope they all still love me.

I love you Brian.

* * *

Rest in peace Mikey.


	7. Our Life Together

AN: Thanks Wethie for working so hard to beta this fic for me. Alright gang – Mikey is dead and gone now…..so back to Brian and Justin’s story and Brian’s POV.

* * *

I walk into Babylon knowing it’s probably the biggest mistake I am ever going to make.

I’ve been here many times over the past month. I’ve grown distant from Justin, I tried not too, but I did anyway. I know he is upset, and worried about me. 

So far I’ve only come to Babylon to brood and to drink vast amounts of alcohol. I’m not sure why I come, why things changed. Okay that isn’t true. I know exactly when they changed so the why is pretty obvious.

It was the anniversary of the bashing. _Can I make love to you tonight? Will you let me be in control tonight?_

My answer of yes still rings in my ears. It only rung in my ass for a day or so. But the rest of me is having a harder time recovering.

I didn’t expect to feel like this. I didn’t expect that giving up a little bit of control to Justin would make me feel like I had lost all control, lost all sense of me.

I keep telling myself that it was just sex, but then I come to Babylon and I’m reminded that I’m just sex.

Justin and I have had sex since that night, but we haven’t made love. I haven’t had sex with anyone else but I know that tonight for some reason that is going to change.

I didn’t decide to trick tonight and then come to Babylon. I walked in planning on playing with my good buddies Jim Beam and Johnny Walker. But the moment I walked through the door I felt a spark that I haven’t felt in a long time. Old Brian is back. At least for the night. And now I know that I am going to make things worse, but I don’t know how to make them better. So I might as well fuck up completely. I guess I just can’t stay stagnant anymore. I don’t like what its doing to me, and I don’t like what its doing to Justin. I know that after tonight he may never forgive me, but sometimes doing the wrong thing is the only choice you can see.

Downing my whiskey in one shot I spot tonight’s prey. If I wasn’t a little drunk I would analyze the fact that he looks a lot like Justin. But that’s the beauty of liquor. I stalk across the floor, moving quickly, I grab the tricks waistband and begin pulling him to the backroom.

“Hey, I’m…”  
“Who gives a fuck!” I interrupt I’d rather not know the name of the worst mistake of my life. It’s bad enough that I feel the moment was inevitable.

Arriving in the backroom I feel an odd sensation. It’s like returning to the home you knew but never wanted to visit again. I push those feelings aside and push this kid up against the wall.

I roughly yank his pants halfway down his thighs, no need to go further we won’t be here long enough to bother. I roll the condom down my cock and proceed to enter him quickly and roughly. He grunts loudly but I know this dance well and I knew he was an experienced bottom who liked it rough the moment I laid eyes on him.

The fuck isn’t graceful – it isn’t pretty. It’s raw, it’s rough, it’s real. After a few minutes of fast and furious thrusting I cum with a shout. Pulling out I dispense with the condom and walk out the back door and onto the street.

The thought I had that night a month ago returns with a force so powerful I double over _” Oh god what have I done? What have I done? I ruined it! I just ruined everything I know it!”_ Suddenly I’m on my knees puking all over the pavement. After I’ve emptied my stomach the dry heaves turn into wracking sobs. What have I done? Fuck Kinney you are a dumb ass worthless piece of shit. 

When I finally manage to get up off the ground I feel an odd sense of calm. I screwed up that is obvious. What happens next is not. The calm is an old friend. It’s fake, but it’s the only thing I know at times like this.

I make my way through the quiet streets of Pittsburgh and get back to the loft faster than I would have wanted. I was hoping to put this off until tomorrow. But I won’t lie to him tonight while lying beside him. I guess midnight is suddenly high noon. 

Riding up in the elevator I try and think of what to say. Maybe I should just pack a bag and go to a hotel tonight. 

Lifting the gate on the elevator I sigh, resigned to leaving our home tonight alone.

Moving towards the heavy loft door I feel tears stinging the back of my eyes.

Opening the loft door I push those feelings down and put a mask of indifference on.

I’m shocked to see him standing in the middle of the loft staring at me like he was waiting. I had at least hoped for a moment of pretending this was still my home too.

“Don’t bother Brian. I know. Just come to bed.” What? He knows and he isn’t yelling? He isn’t screaming? This might be worse than I thought, maybe he just doesn’t care. I steel myself for that possibility and force myself to do what must be done.

“No.”

“No?”

“No Justin. No. You can’t let me off the hook that easy. I need to tell you what I’ve done to use and why. I’ll leave when I’m done.”

“Okay.” 

I walk over and sit down on the couch. I slump forward and look at my hands in my lap as I tell him the story. I’m too afraid to look at him, seeing the hurt, the disappointment, and the hate on his face would break me. If I don’t actually see it maybe later I can pretend it didn’t exist.

“I understand if you don’t love me anymore, if you hate me”

“Brian I don’t hate you. I love you.” I look up at him but I quickly regret it when I see the evident pain on his face.

“Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk more in the morning.” He wants me here?

“You want me here?”

“Yes. Always.”

“I need a shower. I stink.”

“I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.”

I shower more quickly than usual, I’m a little afraid he’ll change his mind while I’m in the shower. I step back into the bedroom feeling a sense of relief wash over me when I see him lying on the bed waiting for me.

He lifts up the duvet and I crawl in. I roll onto my side facing away from him, and he wraps his arms around me, spooning me, and bringing the duvet around us cocooning us in warmth.

He holds me and silent tears make their way down my face. 

I wake up and Justin is just staring at me. I wonder how long he’s been up but then I realize that doesn’t matter – what matters is what was he thinking while he watched me sleep?

I give him a weak smile and he smiles back. That’s a good sign right? 

“Lets get coffee and then we’ll talk”

“Even if it causes poor sexual performance?” I can’t help but try and lighten the mood.

He grins. “You’ll still get no complaints.” This has got to be a good sign. Please god let it be a good sign and not the calm before the storm.

Sitting at the island counter, sipping coffee that tastes a little bitter, I grow more and more anxious. The bitter taste must be the adrenaline running through me out of fear.

“Brian when you asked me to move in, we talked about tricking, and we were realistic. I won’t lie and tell you that what you did last night doesn’t hurt. It does. I think I know why you did it, but I want to hear why you think you did it.”

“I got scared.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know really. I just know that lately I’ve felt lost and terribly afraid of us.”

“Brian I know what happened to cause those feelings. Was my being in control for one night in the bedroom really that much for you too handle?”

“Its not that exactly Justin. I enjoyed that. I’ve taught you well.” I smirk trying to show him I am sincere. 

“Its that suddenly I felt like you had even more power to hurt me. I know that’s crazy since you could already destroy me if you wanted just my leaving my life. But I couldn’t control the downward spiral. I resorted to my old ways of protecting myself. But it backfired and almost cost me the most important thing in my life. It is almost isn’t it?”

“No Brian it isn’t almost. I love you. I told you when I moved back in here that I knew who you were. I understand that you learned how to be lonely, you learned how to protect yourself, and there is a lot you have to undo now that you learned those things.”

“I do love you so much.”

“I know you do Brian. But I need more.” More? What more can I give him, I only….oh fuck I think I know what he wants.

“Brian I need to know that you and I are partners. That we are equals. I need you to promise a higher level of commitment from now on. I need you to promise next time you will talk about your issues instead of resorting to old ways. I love you but I can’t live in fear that this will happen again.”

“Justin, I…” I take a moment to look into his eyes and into my heart. “Justin I can do that. I’ve thought of you as an equal, as a partner for awhile now. I just have to get better at saying it, making sure you know I feel it.”

“Then I think we will be just fine.” I smile what is probably the closest to his sunshine smile in my whole life.


	8. Our Life Together

AN: I do apologize for the incredibly long delay on this chapter. I have no one to blame but myself. Were you paying attention when I said we were going to be moving more quickly through time? Huh were you?!? Well we are! Again – all in Brian’s POV. Thanks Wethie who amazes me at her ability to do so much.

* * *

Revenge has never tasted so sweet. I’ve been waiting 12 years for this revenge. I’ve been planning for awhile now. Actually it’s been in my head for the last 12 years. But the plan had to change after Justin’s Prom.

Finally after years of waiting – today is the day. Twinkie Day as I am going to call it. Today Justin turns 30.

I’ve been awake for a few hours now. Letting him sleep in. We’ve discovered that unless one of us gets out of bed while the other is in a deep sleep, we wake each other up. That’s pretty fucked up I thought. He just laughed at me. We might be older now – but he’s still a little shit.

The decorating and *baking* is almost done. Gus woke up a little while ago and stared at me in shock when he discovered my early morning activities. It’s become our tradition that Gus sleeps over the night before both mine and Justin’s birthdays and then spends the day with us. At 13 Gus is – well I guess he’s me. But a happier version of me. I suppose my little blonde brat was right all those years ago, I’m not a shitty father.

“Dad I don’t understand why you would want to do this to Justin.”

“It’s a long story Gus”

“You always say that.”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older?”

“That one’s not working anymore either.” I sigh. Like I said he’s like me. And that is both wonderful and infuriating.

“Okay Gus. Pour me another cup of coffee and I’ll tell you the story.”

After he reluctantly brings me another cup I tell him what Justin and the gang did to celebrate my 30th all those …. I mean just a few years ago.

“If they made your 30th into Death Day – then why don’t you do the same?”

“Because Gus you know damned well that jokes regarding death haven’t been acceptable in this house for a long time!” Gus looks shocked and I realize I exploded in anger more than I meant to. 

“I’m sorry Gus. I didn’t mean to blow up at you.” I smirk “besides copying someone else is beneath the intelligence of us Kinney’s don’t you think?” He smiles quickly forgiving me for my outburst. He remembers the pain filled voices and faces when Justin and I finally related the story of the bashing to him last year. He was becoming too fond of violent movies and was getting belligerent about our rule to not have them in this house. So we told him, we shared with him the pain that we always keep close to us.

“Jesus fucking Christ what the fuck???” 

I guess Justin woke up and found the present I left in his bedroom slippers. I always hated those things anyway.

Gus and I look at each other and giggle. I giggled? When did that start happening. Oh well I stopped trying to figure out these new aspects of my personality a long time ago. I just gave in to the fact that Justin lives inside of me at all times, I came to realize it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to this earth.

Hearing our giggles Justin comes out of our bedroom with a look of disgust and anger seared onto his face. Oh this is going to be fun. Holding up the slipper that will now need to be thrown away he stalks towards me.

“I never did like your slippers.”

“Brian why the fuck was there a Twinkie in my slipper?” Gus snickers.

“Gus.” Uh oh Gus knows when not to push Justin – he learned that quickly.

“Happy Birthday honey? Its part of your present. What you don’t like it?” I ask in a sarcastic falsetto.

“Brian Asshole Kinney” Now I can’t help but snicker. Suddenly Justin starts to take in his surroundings. I’ve put up a handmade streamer all around the loft. It’s made of empty Twinkie wrappers.

“Brian. Where are the Twinkies that were once in all those wrappers?” He asks dreading the answer he knows is coming.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out sweetie.” Again with the falsetto – he hates it when I do that.

“Oh and how old are you now – 41? Way to mature sweetie”

I hand him the card I had the art department make and walk to the bedroom to change.

  
Revenge tastes sweet Justin  
Welcome to Twinkie Day  
Enjoy today,  
Because after today there will be   
No more Twinkies in this house.

B  


I’m getting dressed when I sense him in the doorway. Don’t ask me where this sensing crap came from – I don’t want to know.

I turn to face him expecting anger or annoyance but instead I see tears and a smile. I know they are happy tears. Happy? Damn Justin you know how to ruin revenge. 

“What are you smiling at?”  
“You. This was sweet” He’s holding up the card and I am starting to regret giving it to him so early in the day. It might’ve been more fun to torment him all day before giving him the card.

“Too late Brian.” 

“What?”

“It’s too late you did give me the card. It doesn’t matter anyway – you know I would’ve figured you out pretty quickly”

I’m about to respond but suddenly he’s crossed the room and his lips find mine. Hungrily he kisses me and I give in far too easily. God his kisses were always too irresistible. He begins to fall back on the bed bringing me down with him. A moment before we land I remember the layer of Twinkies under the duvet that were put there in case Justin rolled to my side of the bed before he woke up. 

“Ewww Brian!” Then we both burst into a fit of laughter only stopping when Gus makes his presence known.

“Dad, daddy could you two stop it for five minutes so we can eat breakfast?”

“Gus go pour yourself a bowl of cereal. And while you’re at it get me one too.”

“Hey what about me?” I look down at Justin and smirk. “Let me guess, I’m having Twinkies for breakfast?” I just nod but my eyes are alight with laughter.

“One day Brian. You get revenge for one day. That’s it”

“Don’t worry – its not all bad. I have some Twinkies saved for tonight.” I tell him with a look that conveys my very dirty thoughts. He laughs but I can feel him get instantly hard at the thought of it. Lifting myself off him I head towards the kitchen.

“Come on sunshine”

After breakfast I rushed my boys through their morning routines, who would’ve thought Gus could take longer than I do? 

Soon we are piled into Justin’s SUV and heading towards the airport. Only they don’t know that. They also didn’t notice the overnight bags in the back.

In short time we are through airport security and heading towards the charter flight I’ve arranged to take us to Chicago. I am refusing to tell Justin or Gus where we are headed and its pissing them off. This only makes me laugh harder.

A few hours later we arrive in Chicago and I can tell Justin is confused. I guess he doesn’t know that Chicago is the home of the Twinkie Factory. Where I’ve arranged for a private tour. It’s also where I got a bunch of unused Twinkie wrappers from. He’s smart but sometimes, I mean did he really think I hid that many Twinkies all around the house!

A limo takes us to the Twinkie Factory where both Gus and Justin are fascinated to learn how the overly sweet confections are made. Okay I confess it’s rather interesting to me too. We pile into the limo again after our tour and tasting are done – the tasting was a riot because Justin was trying to be polite I could tell the thought of eating anymore Twinkies was making him gag.

We check into our suite at The Ritz-Carlton and after a short nap we have dinner at the glamorous hotel restaurant. Gus stays in his room and gets to order room service, allowing Justin and I a little quite time together. I let him eat a real meal for dinner. He didn’t really think I’d come into a Four Seasons hotel and order Twinkies. I’ll admit I considered it, but I don’t want him sick.

After dinner we return to our room for some great Twinkie sex. 

Lying next to him I glance at the clock 11:59. “Happy Birthday. I love you.”

“I love you too Brian. Thank you. Today was incredible.”

12am. “What will I do with you now that you’re all grown up?”

He slaps my chest playfully. “One of us is still a kid at heart. And I’ll always be your twink.”


	9. Our Life Together

AN: Thanks Wethie! The songs in this chapter are Destiny and After All These Years – both by Jim Brickman

* * *

The prom. Going to the prom. With Justin. I couldn’t believe it when Justin asked me to go to the prom with him.

So here I am, getting dressed for a high school prom – again. Actually for the third time in my life. Justin volunteered us to be chaperones and I couldn’t fucking believe it. Justin said it was important to Gus. But I know he wants to relieve our moment in the spotlight without the pain.

Justin wraps his arms around me from behind, halting my process of buttoning up my shirt. He still has rivulets of water rolling down his chest from the shower.

“You’re getting my shirt wet”, I smirk but he can’t see it, although he probably knows it’s there.

“Why the hurry? We have plenty of time.”

“Naughty little boys always seem to think they are going to get lucky on prom night.”

“I intend to get very lucky tonight.”

He undoes the buttons on my tuxedo shirt and slips it slowly off my shoulders. He places warm wet kisses on each new area of flesh that is exposed. He is slowly sinking to his knees, making his way down my back. Oh god. He knows it makes me instantly rock hard when he tongues the dimple in my lower back. He reaches around and blindly unzips my pants and yanks them and down. I guess getting dressed will have to wait. 

I turn around and he is grinning up at me like a Cheshire cat. Little shit knows he will always be able to get to me. I yank him roughly to his feet and devour his lips. Backing him up to the bed, I push him down roughly. He looks surprised for a moment before his eyes darken with lust. Draping myself over his body, I resume our kiss. His lips taste as sweet as they did that very first time. I move from his lips to his right ear and nibble on the beautiful flesh for a moment before continuing down the side of his neck. When I reach the juncture of his neck and shoulder, I pause to suck and bite him for a moment, knowing it drives him wild.

He only has a towel on, so I can easily feel his hard on pressing into my own. I sit back straddling his thighs and unwrap the towel from him like I am unwrapping a present. I start to stroke his cock and I’m reminded of the first time he was in my bed – we were in this same position. Luckily he doesn’t come as quick anymore. I’ve taught him so well.

I continue to stroke his cock and lean forward again to capture his bottom lip in between mine. Sucking hard on his bottom lip, I hear him moan and feel his body arch off the bed towards mine. Releasing his lip, I grab the ever present lube and spread it generously on my own dick. It was a few years ago when I finally relented and fucked him without a condom, we haven’t used one since. I toss his legs over my shoulders and thrust into him quickly. His eyes widen and he gasps at the sudden intrusion, I guess he was expecting me to prepare him a little more. Silly boy – he started this. It only takes a moment for him to relax and adjust to my girth, and soon he is thrusting back against me. 

We move together in perfect harmony, climaxing simultaneously. I collapse on top of him panting and sweaty. My head is resting on his shoulder and he leans towards me to lick the sweat from my brow. 

“That was yummy.” Twat. Suddenly he is bounding out of bed and pulling me up with him. Oh sure, just laying there leaves him lots of energy!   
“Come on old man – we have to get dressed, Gus will be waiting.” I let him pull me to my feet and get away with the old man comment because well only he can. Besides I secretly love his teasing. 

After getting dressed, successfully this time, we stumble out of our bedroom laughing and probably still glowing. Gus looks at us and rolls his eyes. 

“And to think my moms were worried about me behaving like a child tonight.” He shakes his head and wraps his arm around his date’s waist.

“Come on pops lets take the required pictures so we can get outta here.” 

We take several pictures of Gus, Gus and his date, a few of Justin and myself, and one of all four of us using the timer. I try to behave through each and every one. Justin was not happy about the one where I grabbed his crotch right before the picture was taken. Hey I said I tried to behave.

I watch while Justin gives Gus a hug and tries to hide his teary eyes. Gus and his date get into the limo I arranged and take off for the prom.

Justin turns to me and smiles a sweet sad smile. I walk towards him and wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him soundly. Tearing myself away reluctantly, I slide my hand to the small of his back and lead him out the door and towards the limo I arranged for the two of us. This prom will be different; we will walk in together to this one. The way we should have at his prom so many years ago.

Justin and I walk into the ballroom arms around each other and smiling at each other. I pause just inside the doorway. Fuck. Do they use the same decorations at every prom year after year? This shit looks familiar. 

We nod at the other chaperones in the room and quickly move to the dance floor. Why should the kids have all the fun?

_What if I never knew_  
What if I never found you  
I'd never have this feeling in my heart  
How did this come to be  
I don't know how you found me  
But from the moment I saw you  
Deep inside my heart I knew 

This time when we dance it isn’t about proving my love to him, or even about making a statement to his school. This time it is just the two of us and our love. And about three hundred teenagers.

  
Baby you're my destiny  
You and I were meant to be  
With all my heart and soul  
I give my love to have and hold  
And as far as I can see  
You were always meant to be my destiny 

Justin’s arms are wrapped around my waist and my arms are encircling his neck. I keep him close to me, foreheads touching. 

_I wanted someone like you_  
Someone that I could hold on to  
And give my love until the end of time  
But forever was just a word  
Something I'd only heard about  
But now you're always there for me  
When you say forever I believe 

_Maybe all we need is just a little faith  
'Cause baby I believe that love will find the way_

I find myself indulging in making out with him on the dance floor. We are barely dancing at this moment, more like swaying while attached at the lips.

_Baby you're my destiny_  
You and I were meant to be  
With all my heart and soul  
I give my love to have and hold  
And as I far as I can see  
From now until eternity  
You were always meant to be my destiny 

The song ends and I don’t even realize it, or hear the snickering. But I feel an insistent tapping on my shoulder, it’s annoying like a gnat at a picnic. I finally break away from the kiss to get rid of the annoyance and come face to face with the one of the other chaperones.

“You aren’t setting a very good example Mr. Kinney.”

“Really? I thought it was very good.” I smirk at her and I can tell Justin is barely stifling a laugh. The lady looks at me perplexed and finally walks away with a huff of frustration. 

“Now where were we?”

“I believe we were corrupting today’s youth.”

“Ah yes, well let’s get back to it.” I barely manage to get the words out before he rushes forward again to resume the kiss.

_Here we are_  
After all these years  
Face to face  
Heart to heart  
And I've loved you from the start  
But I never thought that we'd be standing here  
After all these years  
Here we are  
With another song to sing  
All these days  
Pass us by  
As we watched our childhood fly  
And I'm still the one to share your hopes and fears  
After all these years  
After all these years  
We still have each other  
One to another  
After all these years  
You're still the one  
And I'm still here  
After all these years  
And here we are  
With another bridge to cross  
Face to face  
Heart to heart  
And I loved you from the start  
But I never thought that we'd be standing here  
After all these years 

_And I've loved these days_  
All we've been through  
And I'd just like to say  
I'm so glad it's been you  
Here's one more song from the heart  
For the laughter and the tears  
After all these years 

By the time the second song is over, it’s obvious that Justin and I need to make our escape. We find Gus and say goodnight. He just laughs at us and goes back to dancing. How did I sire such a smart ass?  
“Let’s go Brian. The drive back home will take forever.”  
“Good thing I came prepared then.” I hold up a key to a room in the hotel and he smiles like the sun.  
The ride up to the 12th floor seems interminable. It’s crowded and Justin is forced to stand directly in front of me. He then proceeds to wiggle his ass ever so gently to not arouse attention – except from my dick. I guess the little shit didn’t learn his lesson earlier. He turns his head around to look and me in winks. Oh maybe he did learn his lesson earlier.  
Once in the hotel room we proceed to take turns ravaging each other, then slowly and sensually making love.   
“I love you Brian.”  
“I love you too.” As I drift off I hear the sounds of sirens throughout a parking garage…


	10. Our Life Together

_The sounds of sirens could be heard throughout the parking garage…_

Now I know. I know that our life together was just a dream, a dying man’s fantasy. Leave it to me to see a future I won’t have right before I die. It’s fitting I suppose. I certainly wouldn’t have wanted my past to flash before my eyes.

Perhaps if Chris hadn’t heard me coming up behind him. Perhaps if he hadn’t had time to defend himself. Perhaps if I had never come tonight. Perhaps if this evening had gone as I had planned….But it didn’t. 

I had to lie here watching Justin convulsing and bleeding to death, as I could feel the life slowly draining from my own body. I’m cold now. I can hear the sirens. Someone must have finally called for help. 

But they are too late. Too late to help Justin just as I was. Too late to stop me from going with him…..going wherever he may lead. I reach out for Justins hand, entwining our fingers together one last time.

* * *

AN: Thanks to Wethie for all her support and help with this. Okay now you can proceed to tar and feather me – but leave Wethie alone – she was not aware of the ending to this fic.


End file.
